My aunt and uncle decided to unify my sister and me. They had 6 children of their own, but they had big hearts. Big enough for two more, I was so grateful to be with my sister again. I may not have been able to recognize gratitude at the time because the pain in my heart was so deep, but I would later. We found stability there, in this Christian home I learned morals and the courage to persist. I never quite grasped authenticity because we were very different from this family. I always felt out of place. I knew there was so much more out there for me to discover.

I decided to take action and get my underwater research requirements fulfilled so that I could experience the tranquility that I felt underwater. My curious nature brought me to the Channel Islands where I worked as an underwater researcher studying fishery management and reserve establishment. It was incredible being at sea, just my advisor and I most days. I felt sustained in this lifestyle, so I decided to follow my dreams and move to Hawaii to learn more about tropical ecosystems.

I always dreamed of finding my prince, but I always resisted the possibility until I met the love of my life in college. He was kind, supportive, loving and most importantly, he recognized the passion within me. He understood that I was insistent on moving to Hawaii after graduation. It was a difficult decision to move to Hawaii in pursuit of my dreams. I simply knew that I wanted to learn more about the tropical ocean before applying for my masters. I thought I had it all figured out, but as much control as I thought I had, life doesn’t go as planned.

As a young girl, my birth family lived along the West Coast of Baja. My dad would take me down to the tidepools where I would walk along the water's edge wondering if it was me leaning diagonally or the water...How did it do that? At the end of our walk, we would reach a large boulder that had a tide pool around it. I didn’t hesitate to jump in and sift through the ocean creatures. I felt safe, I felt curious, I felt strong. I was only 4 at the time, but this is where I built the foundation of my love for the ocean. I would later find these memories holding space for the future ahead of me.

Around the age of 5, I was placed in foster care. My sister and I were separated into different homes. It broke my heart because she was only two and she needed me. She was my baby sister and I loved her so much. I was abandoned by my parents, but I had to find the strength to proceed because I knew somewhere deep inside me that everything happens for a reason.  I revisited the times in the tide pools, where I felt calm, curious and happy. I recalled something my dad shared with me called “resilience”. This was how the sea stars could live amongst the crashing waves  the intensity. I would consider myself a sea star and from there I built in me, resilience.

I always knew I wanted to become a marine biologist. Every good memory I had, every time I ever felt calm was either by the ocean or playing sports. It was at this time I knew what I needed to do in order to make my dreams a reality. I made a tough choice and I emancipated myself from my adopted family. There were a lot of reasons why at the time, but most importantly it was clear that in order to obtain my goals I needed a higher education, one being threatened by a lifestyle I couldn’t persist. I skipped a year of high school and diligently applied for scholarships to UC, Santa Barbara.

My dream came true, I received a full-ride scholarship to UCSB. I studied about oceanic processes that eventually brought me good friendships, amazing experiences and an education that could never be taken away. I saw a brighter horizon ahead, I just needed to figure out how to heal the wounds of my childhood. I was drawn to the ocean and I felt so happy when I was in, on or underwater.

Only three weeks into my new job as a divemaster off the South Coast of Maui, I met my first tropical storm, Walle. I was a novice to the tropical islands so I relied on the experience of the captain and divemaster on the boat. We found ourselves under a storm with 60 nautical mile winds and 8-12 foot waves crashing in the crescent of Molokini Island.

Despite the terror in their eyes and a broken nose, I got all 8 of my divers safely back aboard the ship. Shortly after we discovered one of the divers missing. His son and another woman were both stuck on the island in distress. His daughter and wife were onboard the vessel. The moment came when I decided to jump in to rescue the man, who at that time, may or may not have been alive. It was worth my effort and I considered him family at that point, what would I want to happen if this man was my relative?

The rescue was unsuccessful. I went to reach out for him and I felt an energy that I have never experienced in my life. It was in that moment I was at peace to be with this man for his departure to wherever he was heading next. It was a matter of a few seconds when I felt myself tug backward, shooting towards the boat. Waves crashed all around me and my world became white light. I hit the boat, three times before I managed to maneuver my way far away from the boat. I was completely alone at sea, the boat lost behind the height of the waves. I realized in those moments I couldn't feel my legs or right arm. I knew I needed to get myself back on that ship, my life depended on it. I did and 2 and half hours later I was in a 3.5-hour surgery, fighting desperately for my life.

I woke up to hundreds of texts and emails sending loads of love. My sister, my roommate and my boyfriend by my side in the hospital. I began to realize, it is my journey that strengthens me for the uncharted territory ahead. I adopted a warrior mentality while in the ICU realizing that each day brings new trials and I needed the courage to take them on. The doctors called me a miracle at this time; there was little else that western medicine could do for me.

There was one thing that saved me from drowning in this sea of emotions. I made a decision to embrace my core values and rise up to the responsibility of taking my nephew as my own. My sister nearly lost the only person she ever truly loved and fell deep into the darkness of herself. I knew that in order to break this vicious family cycle, I had to endure the pain, in the name of love. At the time, I couldn’t lift any weight, I could barely stomach food and I was still suffering.

Through divine assistance, I was met by some incredible women who saw in me what I couldn’t see in myself. They became my healers, my confidants, my friends and my source of connection to this world which seemed so dim. I finally experienced true depression. It took everything I loved away from me. At this point, pain was the only word that made sense to me. I never experienced anything like this, because I always had my capabilities. It seemed like I lost everything I ever loved to nightmares, fatigue, sadness, loss of mobility and constant stress that something else was coming next.

Step by step I made conscious decisions to reduce my pain, increase my strength, improve my mentality and take care of this beautiful boy that I loved so much. Love is the most powerful driving force in my life. I wanted my sister, nephew and fiancè to get the Alana they loved so much back. I wanted to do it to show them it was possible to overcome anything when you have the willpower to do it. Little did I know, that I would never be the same. And it was OKAY.

As I grew back into my fierce, resilient self, I saw my need to serve develop into the calling I always had. The Alana I knew was still there, she was just stronger with more experience than ever before. The vision I had during my childhood still present today.

I share my story with you in hopes that you will see that I have suffered, but have found joy again through the Kaikoa Method. I follow my intuition and it brought me here today to share with you that passion can be rediscovered through dedication and love. There is a defined light at the end of the tunnel, and I am here for you, my dear seastar.

I want to share this light and love with you.